In today’s world, we can easily get trapped by the expectations and demands of others. Sounds familiar? – certainly. That’s why it is essential not to forget the importance of being yourself. Otherwise, you risk becoming a stranger in your own skin with all the negative consequences it creates for your mental health. This article provides advice for staying true to yourself in a world that often rewards conformity.
Benefits of an Internal Locus of Control
A key aspect of being yourself is an internal locus of control. The term was introduced in 1954 by American psychologist Julian B. Rotter. It means feeling that you have control over things that happen in your life rather than believing they happen to you due to external circumstances. An internal locus of control is about experiencing your life from the “driver’s seat, not the passenger’s,” which creates a sense of empowerment (agency + responsibility).
Research suggests that internal locus of control makes people more resilient and better prepared to cope with stress. Why is this so? Those with an external locus of control believe their lives are mainly determined by external factors such as luck or destiny. So, there is little they can do, which reinforces helplessness. The opposite applies to individuals with an internal locus of control: they take active steps to improve their situation. They may seek solutions, look for resources, or secure support when needed.
How can you boost an internal locus of control
The first step is to move the focus from outside factors to own actions. It’s essential to do so when things go well and when things go wrong. For example, instead of blaming a colleague for a project that didn’t go well, ask yourself what you could have done differently to improve the outcome. Perhaps the choice of the collaborator was suboptimal. Can you do something about that? Of course, sometimes the answer might be “nothing.” Yet, by concentrating on your own actions, you will move the focus to what you can control.
Beware of irrational self-blaming, though. And remember that focusing on your actions only when things go wrong may quickly lead to undermining your self-esteem. So, balance it with focusing on your actions when you succeed. People with low self-esteem tend to ascribe failures to themselves and success to luck or coincidence. Narcissists tend to do exactly the opposite.
The Importance of Self-Awareness
The critical aspect of being yourself is knowing yourself. This means having a clear understanding of your own needs, values, strengths, and limitations. When you know yourself, you are better able to make decisions that align with your values and goals, and you are less susceptible to external expectations and the influence of others.
You can develop greater self-knowledge through practices such as mindfulness meditation, writing a diary, or therapy. The key here is introspection, self-awareness, and self-reflection. Use any practice that suits you and helps you become more aware of your thoughts and feelings, and develop a deeper understanding of what makes you tick. In addition, it can be helpful to actively seek feedback from others (like friends or coworkers) to get a more complete picture of yourself.
When you deeply know yourself, you are better prepared to make decisions in your best interest. For example, if you know you need time alone to recharge, you will be more likely to prioritize that time in your schedule. On the other hand, if you’re not aware of your own needs and put the expectations of others before your well-being, you may end up feeling burned out or resentful over time.
Balancing External Expectations and Autonomy
Of course, finding a balance between outside expectations and your sense of personal freedom and individual identity can be challenging. We all have daily roles to play in our families, workplaces, and communities. Sometimes those roles require us to put our needs and desires aside to fulfill our obligations to others.
However, there is no reason to sacrifice your well-being to make others happy. Even more, it would be best if you didn’t do that. It may sound like a paradox, but making your needs and desires a priority can make you more effective in your roles and responsibilities. Your burnout, bitterness, or depression can not be in anyone’s best interest and certainly not in the interest of those who care about you or who depends on your mental fitness.
How to find a balance between outside expectations and personal freedom
setting bouNdaries
Start by setting clear boundaries. This might require saying no to specific requests or commitments or communicating your needs and limits to others. It can also mean checking in with yourself regularly and asking whether your actions align with your values and goals rather than just going along with what others expect from you.
being assertive
Another vital skill in balancing outside expectations and your freedom is asserting your needs and desires. This means communicating your needs and boundaries clearly and confidently without feeling guilt or shame. It also implies the willingness to stand up for what you believe in, even if it means going against the flow or facing criticism from others.
Becoming assertive can be challenging, especially if you are used to putting others’ needs and expectations before your own. However, it is a crucial skill to develop if you wish to stay true to yourself and cultivate a strong sense of identity and personal freedom.
self-acceptance
Ultimately, embracing your true self means recognizing and accepting your unique qualities, traits, and quirks. It is a healthy alternative to trying to fit into someone else’s mold. Being yourself means staying true to your values, goals, and priorities, even when others do not fully accept or appreciate them.
Summing up:
You can build a strong sense of self and improve your overall well-being by developing an inner locus of control, practicing self-knowledge, and balancing outside expectations with personal freedom.
The importance of being yourself cannot be overstated. In a world where conformity is often rewarded, maintaining individuality and staying true to yourself is essential for personal growth and psychological well-being. By embracing our unique qualities and quirks, we can truly thrive, personally and professionally, and contribute to the richness and diversity of the world we are a part of.
Further Readings/Sources:
“The Power of Vulnerability” by Brené Brown – This TED Talk explores the importance of vulnerability in cultivating a strong sense of self and building meaningful relationships.
“Mindset: The New Psychology of Success” by Carol Dweck – This book explores the concept of a growth mindset, which is the belief that you can develop your abilities and talents through hard work and dedication.
“The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz – This book offers four principles for living a fulfilling life: be impeccable with your word, don’t take anything personally, don’t make assumptions, and always do your best. It’s a great resource for developing a strong sense of identity and purpose.
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