Anger – the good, the bad, and the ugly

Anger is a simple word, yet it evokes a storm of emotions and reactions. Anger is a force of nature, like the stormy weather that mirrors our inner turmoil. It is a primary emotion, which means everybody experiences it. This applies not only to humans.

Why do we have anger

We are able to experience anger because evolution wanted us to. It is as simple as that. We need all our primary emotions, including anger and fear. They are biologically programmed in our bodies. We wouldn’t be able to experience them if we didn’t need them. Our ancestors, prone to anger and fear, wouldn’t have survived if those emotions made them less adaptive to the environment. They wouldn’t have a chance to pass their genetic material to future generations. This is how evolution works.

But obviously, the opposite happened. And here we are with our genetic inheritance of anger and fear. In spite of technological development, our species will not last very long if we are deprived of these primary responses.

The biological function of anger

At its core, anger is a survival mechanism. It alerts us to potential threats and prepares our bodies to respond. By triggering the fight-or-flight response, anger heightens vigilance and physical readiness to protect and defend ourselves and others.

Anger triggers the release of adrenaline and other stress hormones, increasing heart rate, blood pressure, and energy levels. This prepares the body for immediate and effective action, whether to fight, flee, or confront the source of anger.

By expressing anger, individuals can deter others from engaging in harmful or unfair behavior. And when confrontation is unavoidable, anger leads to aggression that may neutralize threats, helping ensure our survival. In other words, anger is our personal bodyguard, serving also everyone we care for.

Anger and society

Anger is an emotion often demonized, shrouded in negativity, and quickly labeled as evil. Society teaches us to suppress it and hide it as if it’s something to be ashamed of.

Despite its necessity for our survival, anger is increasingly used to gaslight people in social situations, especially men. Raise your voice, and you have an “anger problem,” as if anger was a problem in itself.

But what if we told you that anger, in itself, is neither bad nor good? What if, instead of suppressing it, we learned to understand its language?

Just as a fire can be used to cook a meal or raze a forest, anger can be a constructive force or a destructive one. It can be a tool for growth and autonomy or a weapon of destruction. The key to understanding anger lies in recognizing its different forms. Not all anger is the same.

In this exploration of anger, we discuss its three primary forms: the good, the bad, and the ugly. Each form has its characteristics and impacts on our lives.

Good anger

Imagine witnessing an act of injustice: a child being bullied, someone being abused, a family facing discrimination, or animals being mistreated. These moments can stir something deep within us…

What do you feel? If your heart races, your fists clench, and a surge of energy courses through you, you’re experiencing good anger. This is not just any anger but a profound emotional response that signals something is fundamentally wrong.

This type of anger is righteous indignation, a call to action that arises from our bodies when our values are violated or our boundaries are crossed. Good anger is protective. It is a natural response that compels us to stand up for what is right.

It’s the surge of adrenaline that empowers us to defend ourselves and our loved ones from physical or emotional harm. This protective instinct is crucial not only for our biological survival but also for our psychological well-being. It motivates us to overcome obstacles, whether they are physical, social, or psychological. This emotional drive can lead to persistent efforts to solve problems or to change unacceptable circumstances.

It’s the voice that rises within us, urging us to speak truth to power and challenge injustice. This voice is not just about anger; it’s about courage and conviction. This type of anger is assertive, not offensive. It’s about deterrence, not conquering. It seeks to defend, not inflict harm. Good anger aims to protect rather than destroy.

Furthermore, good anger can be a powerful force for unity. It strengthens group bonds and ensures collective security and survival. When anger brings people together, united by a common cause, it fosters a sense of shared values. When individuals or groups express anger towards a common enemy or threat, it can create a bond and unity that reinforces the group’s identity and shared purpose.

When channeled effectively, anger maintains safety and fairness within social groups. It discourages people from violating social norms by prompting individuals to take action against wrongdoers.

In the end, good anger is not just about the emotion itself but about what it drives us to do. It is a force that, when harnessed, can lead to protection, unity, and empowerment of individuals and groups.

Bad anger

While anger can be protective and catalyse positive change, it’s a double-edged sword. It can motivate us to stand up for ourselves and to fight injustice. However, it can turn into something much darker and more destructive – the bad anger.

This type of anger doesn’t just flare up and dissipate; it lingers, festers, and grows. It’s sometimes called “neurotic anger.”

Bad anger is persistent, intense, and often disproportionate to the situation that triggers it. It often arises from exaggerated or imagined threats rather than real ones. It’s more about internal emotional turmoil than the external triggers that supposedly provoke it.

It’s not just a momentary outburst; it’s a prolonged state of agitation that can cloud our judgment and distort our perceptions.

Neurotic anger is characterized by underlying psychological issues such as anxiety, insecurity, or unresolved emotional conflicts. These deep-seated issues can create a well of anger that we may not even be fully aware of, but which influences our behavior and interactions with others.

Instead of addressing these underlying issues, we lash out, projecting our pain onto others. This can create a vicious cycle, where our actions provoke negative reactions from others, which in turn fuels our anger even more.

One of the most insidious aspects of bad anger is its tendency to target the wrong source. We may find ourselves lashing out at people who have nothing to do with the root cause of our anger simply because they are convenient targets. We may unleash our fury on loved ones who are simply in the wrong place at the wrong time, or we may direct our anger inward, engaging in self-destructive behaviors like substance abuse or self-harm. This misplaced anger can create a ripple effect, causing pain and suffering not just for ourselves but for those around us as well.

Neurotic anger rarely leads to productive outcomes. It can result in self-sabotage, damaged relationships, and further emotional distress. Instead of protecting individuals, it exposes them to harm and danger.

Because neurotic anger is rooted in deep-seated insecurities and unresolved psychological issues, it reveals vulnerability. Thus, people expressing neurotic anger (in contrast with assertive anger) are usually perceived as weak.

Ugly anger

The ugly anger represents the darkest side of this complex emotion. This type of anger is the most dangerous, rooted in pathological needs and attitudes that we often see in narcissism and sociopathy.

It’s characterized by its cruelty, intent to harm, and a complete disregard for the well-being of others.

Unlike good anger, which is rooted in a sense of justice, ugly anger is fueled by a sense of entitlement and a desire for power, control, and dominance.

A subtype of the ugly anger is narcissistic rage. It can be triggered by perceived slights or threats to an individual’s grandiose sense of self. People who perceive themselves as exceptional can be triggered not only by those who do not share their views but also by everything that may contradict their exceptionalism and superiority.

Ugly anger can manifest in verbal abuse, emotional manipulation, physical violence, or even more insidious forms of cruelty. People who struggle with ugly anger often lack insight into their behavior. They may blame others for their outbursts, downplay the impact of their actions, or refuse to take responsibility for their behavior. When confronted, they may play victims.

This lack of accountability makes ugly anger particularly dangerous and difficult to address.

Why is this important

Understanding anger is a vital skill. It’s not just about recognizing it in ourselves but also in others. This awareness can really help in preventing conflicts, protecting yourself and fostering better relationships.

Anger is a survival mechanism. It alerts us to potential threats and prepares our bodies to respond. However, this response may be misplaced and can lead to serious consequences.

Mastering anger is about understanding its biological role and learning to channel it constructively. By doing so, we not only improve our well-being but also foster healthier relationships and a more harmonious society.